Thursday, December 12, 2013

Domestic Blunders

Our homes are sanctuaries that protect us from the harsh realities of life, but running a household is a complex undertaking. I'm proof that a supposedly capable person can make domestic gaffs that make Mr. Bean look like a genius. Even the brilliant Albert Einstein could be forgetful around the house, so what hope is there for the rest of us?

The "take home" lesson? Don't expend all your brain power at work - you need some for household duties too.

MY SHORT LIST OF MISADVENTURES AT HOME:
  1. Tried to cook pancakes on a George Foreman Grill. You know - the one with the sloped surface.

  2. Used regular liquid soap in an automatic dish washer. Try it if you want to see wet soap suds bubbling out of the dish washer all over your kitchen floor.

  3. Activated the home security system for motion detection prior to a walk, but forgot about the house cat. Came back home to blaring alarms and a terribly traumatized tabby.

  4. Locked myself out of the house on numerous occasions while tending to the yard. Good opportunity to learn meditation skills.

  5. Forgot about a lit candle that was in a flammable, plastic holder (or was this my wife?). The candle holder caught on fire, but fortunately we were able to extinguish it right away.

  6. A ladder slipped out from under me while I was trying to put Christmas lights on the eavestrough (This is a classic). Luckily, I was able to grab a part of the ladder while hanging onto the trough thus averting disaster. This is similar to a ladder scene involving Chevy Chase in the movie Christmas Vacation.

  7. Forgot about some pita bread I was grilling in the oven - yes it caught on fire. The fire remained confined to the oven, but the oven door was permanently charred and discolored. Try explaining that one to the wife.

  8. Tried to get rid of bags of dated pasta by throwing them in the garburator. This created a kind of starch super glue that completely clogged the garburator throughout every orifice (actually my wife did this).

  9. Left a closed spray nozzle attached to a garden hose on in the spring. It burst after a few freeze/thaw cycles dumping thousand of gallons of water into the yard. Coincidentally our sump pump gave out and the basement flooded. Realized the outdoor faucet was still on days and dollars later.



  10. I could describe various scientific theories about human error and why it occurs in different situations, but that isn't the point. All of us can be Dumb, Dumber, or Dumberer at times. I'm sure many readers can relate to their own silly gaffs at home. If you would like to come clean about any of your domestic blunders, then please tell us your story by leaving a comment below.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Secret to Life (Encrypted)

"Ujh Oje Pa Rx Hwbx Rmqf"






"Ujh Oje Pa Not Rx Hwbx Rmqf"

Both encrypted sentences are paradoxical truths.
If you solve this cryptogram please leave your answer as a comment below!

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Sleep on It

Insufficient Sleep is a Public Health Epidemic according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The Better Sleep Council can help!



The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep. --Anonymous

SLEEP - Those little slices of death, how I loathe them. --Edgar Allen Poe

Problems always look smaller after a warm meal and a good night's sleep. --Anonymous

It's a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it. --John Steinbeck

It's probably unrealistic in our fast paced, competitive lives to expect or demand any fixed amount of sleep hours. I think we should strive for quality of sleep. Try to improve factors such as diet, exercise, bedroom environment etc. that improve sleep efficiency, and avoid things that result in poor sleep quality such as excessive caffiene or alcohol, stress, etc.

There are some good sleep tips here at

The Better Sleep Council

What is your secret for a good nights sleep?

Saturday, March 09, 2013

The Pink Haired Goddess

This photo brings back memories of fun times in Vegas a few years ago. My wife and I were playing around with these crazy looking wigs in a novelty shop - right after doing a tacky wax museum tour. All of that seems like an alternate universe now - gambling too much, comped rooms and shows, arguments with pit bosses, and getting cheated by some black jack dealers. One highlight of those trips was seeing Tiger Woods in 96 playing the Las Vegas Invitational. On one hole, he hit a drive 350 yards that landed just off the fairway, and then expressed his displeasure with the shot by slamming his driver into the tee box turf. That was before all of the majors and millions of dollars, but he's still prone to the odd tantrum now and then. My Vegas visits are less frequent and more pedestrian now, but the curious should see Las Vegas at least once, despite all of the excess, spectacle, and debauchery on display there. You might get some insight into the dark side of human nature - yours and others, and meet a few quirky, but decent characters too. All a part of this whacky journey that we're on. "Bright light city gonna set my soul, gonna set my soul on fire."

Monday, January 28, 2013

Donut Mania

Is it possible that someone could grow up in North America never having tried a donut? Do you know anyone who hasn't eaten a donut?

I don't, but at the other extreme a man named John Haight ate 29 donuts in just over six minutes back in 1981 to claim the Guinness World Record for donut eating. It makes you wonder if he could have eaten the worlds largest donut. It was an American-style jelly donut made in Utica, New York on January 21, 1993 that weighed 1.7 tons and was 16 feet in diameter - if not the donut, maybe he could have finished the hole or the jelly? Here is a whimsical page with a dozen interesting facts about donuts.

Donuts are ingrained in North American popular culture with TV characters like Homer Simpson satirizing your typical donut lover. Police are often ridiculed for hanging out at donut shops a lot, but it's probably not a fair rap since they may be the only restaurants open on late night shifts, and of course in a parking lot most people will spot the cruiser. There's a Tim Horton's donut shop across the street from a hospital in our city that is swarmed by health care workers on evening and night shifts. You might predict that many romances between cops and nurses began over the odd jelly sprinkled donut. Legend has it that dunking donuts first caught on when actress Mae Murray accidentally dropped a donut into her coffee while dining at Lindy's Deli on Broadway in New York City.



How relevant are donuts to the economics of society? It's claimed that in the United States there are over 10 billion donuts made every year - somewhat amazing for a sugary product that has little or no nutritional value. Some economists claim that you can judge the health of the economy by looking at the size of the hole in a donut. The hole is smaller when times are good because more dough is used. Could the shape have some universal appeal as a symbol - a circle - an empty hole - complete - but incomplete all at the same time? It certainly is a numerical symbol as shown by the Donut Abacus, although the donuts are often plastic in that case. In terms of economics, I'd like to see the former Billionaires at Krispy Kreme weigh in here.