Saturday, March 08, 2008

New Miracle Mood Drug!

Have you heard of Wonderifinol?

It's a new drug developed and manufactured by Nofartis that will revolutionize the treatment of mood disorders. Forget about psychotherapy, cognitive behavior therapy, psychiatrists, counsellors and parole officers. You will be able to rid yourself of all negative thoughts, bad behavior, depression, and dysfunctional moods once and for all - and the price is cheap compared to a Starbuck's coffee addiction. It comes in red and blue pills. Either color works just as well, and you only need to take one pill every year. Double blind studies demonstrated far superior mood enhancement for those on the new medication as opposed to the placebo control group who underwent an intensive regime of optimized sleep, nutrition and exercise.

There are a few side effects and possible complications to consider though:

  • May cause excessive hair growth on the tongue and buttock regions.
  • Can increase the risk of terminal euphoria.
  • Should be used with caution by those who obtain secondary gain from their dysfunctional personality.
  • Those men who experience an erection longer than five minutes should seek immediate medical attention (less potent than Viagra).
  • Extreme euphoria can be associated with excessive risk taking or a sudden interest in extreme sports.
  • Gradual increase in sphincter tone may lead to constipation.

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