Sunday, November 06, 2005

Interview with Satan

Seasons Under The Sun's senior reporter Beau recently tracked down that ragged, old soul hunter while he was on vacation in Paris. You may recall how he fanned the flames of social unrest, and violence that spread rampantly across the city not long ago. He made Beau cool his heels for two hours in the lobby of the Hotel Francois before deciding to grant him an interview in his lavishly appointed suite 1313...

Beau:
You don't usually allow interviews with the press, or especially low level publishers like me do you Beelzebub?

Satan:
Beelzebub? Beelzebub?? If you call me that again I'll roast your loins in hell fire! I'll be damned to know how some of these insulting nick names have stayed the test of time. I'm the King of Babylon, but you can call me Abaddon.

Beau:
Abaddon... hmm... not really familiar with that one, but whatever you say Sir Abaddon. Now if you don't mind answering a few questions I'll forge ahead here.

Satan:
Sure, why not? I've got a nice forging operation down below if you get my gist.

Beau:
One burning question I know a lot of boomers would like to ask you. Were you responsible for that whole Rolling Stones, Hells Angels,
Altamont concert fiasco back in 69? Don Maclean seemed to implicate you in his song "American Pie".

Satan:
Is that the best you can come up with? Some misguided, grungy, music event? At that time, Mr. Jagger came close to signing one of my no release contracts, so I almost paid him a visit, but he was just a dabbler in the black arts back then. He tried hard to ingratiate himself to me with that song "Sympathy for the Devil". It was kind of catchy I guess, but I far prefer the music in "Dante's Inferno". Actually, I sent a lesser minion there to stir things up, and shake the cage of all those free love hippies who seemed to think that nothing could go awry in the city of love. I still have to talk to those bikers about copyright infringement though. You can't use the word Hell just because you start a club, or some such nonsense!

Beau:
Wasn't it kind of a petty event to mess with if you were so busy with wars and things?

Satan:
I should blast you with brimstone breath you plebeian. I already told you I sent a minion, and I barely gave it my stamp of approval anyway.

Beau:
Well I do have some more important questions for you Abaddon. In your opinion are we heading for the end of the World like the Bible says?

Satan:
At least you're in the ball park with that one. I am hanging around this earthly plane a little more often right now because you could easily convince people that the end of the world is at nigh with all of this confusion. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy, so if I stick around and stir things up a bit mankind might just finish off the planet anyway without any help from Bible prophecies. I just make my presence known, do a few interviews, and eventually get a few more to sign on. Marketing is a powerful weapon you know, just ask Donald Trump.

Beau:
That sounds pretty grandiose, but I am in no position to argue. I've heard some interesting theories floating around about the present U.S. Administration. Is someone in there really the Antichrist?

Satan:
You're cutting it awfully close with that one Bozo, or Beau is it? You know as well as I do that there will be many false prophets, and besides any real Antichrist will have a lot more flair, and charisma than those boring, Texas oil barons. Don't you think I might assume that role myself?

Beau:
I suppose you might have the qualifications. Do you have any other travel plans after Paris?

Satan:
Events are kind of taking care of themselves in Iraq right now. North Korea looks interesting, and I hear the weather's good, but the food stinks. I think they might need a little pitch fork prodding to keep on with the whole Nuclear program there.

Beau:
Exactly how do you get around when you assume earthly form?

Satan:
Well in this day and age Lear jets are the only way to go. Do you think I'd tolerate that infernal airport security, delayed flights, and lousy airline grub? I don't have a lot of time to waste, while I'm laying things to waste so to speak.

Beau:
One more thing here? Are you stilled ticked off at God for casting you out of heaven all those years ago?

Satan:
I just knew you were going to ask that one. A few hundred years ago I would have smote thee to death for being so impudent, but to tell you the truth that whole falling out thing with him has led to some wonderful opportunities. Just look, I get to do interviews with geeks like you. Seriously though, since I left the "fold" I've almost maintained equal footing with him. I'm sure he often questions his so called wisdom in giving me the boot, and he's sure got his hands full right now. Anyway your time is up. I've got to finish up here, and get a move on. If you're interested in some lifestyle enhancement products I've got a nice contract here for you to sign before I leave.

Beau:
Uh... no thanks. Well I did have a few more questions here Beelze... oops I mean Abaddon, but I can see you're a busy fellow. Is there any where you could be reached for a follow up story?

Satan:
Just sign the contract, and you'll get all the stories you need.

Beau:
Like I said, no thanks.

Satan:
Alright then I'm off. You might want to stop by room 666 for a few delicacies if you have the time Beau.

Beau:
Well actually I've got to take one of those airline flights you were referring to earlier. Thanks for the interview I guess?

As Beau finished speaking, the room instantly filled with thick, acrid smoke, and as it slowly waned he realized there was no else in the room. The slippery Devil was up to his old tricks again. Beau took the elevator to the lobby without stopping on the sixth floor, and he didn't look back.
Post a Comment