Thursday, October 20, 2005

StarBucked at StarBucks

This was the order (more or less) from a lady I stood behind at an ever cheery, Starbucks cafe. "I'll have a grande, double espresso, decaf, low fat, caramel macchiato, with extra foam, brewed at 180 degrees centigrade, topped with a sprinkle of cinnamon, and a dollop of whipped cream."

Not only did she snap this order out like a drill sergeant, but repeated it again because the cashier didn't catch it all on the first run. After hearing it, the cashier didn't give the slightest hint of irritation, indignation, or surprise as she recited this lengthy order back for the brew master (is that the right term?). No offense to any finicky java drinkers out there, but have we become so bloody inundated with minutiae, and choices that even ordering a beverage becomes a complex, itemized, shopping list? Now don't get me wrong, the lady had every right to order whatever beverage Starbucks could whip up for her, and variety is the spice of life, but somehow this seemed a little over spiced to me. Not to mention the lengthy line of customers behind her. So much for my attempts at zen like patience and tolerance I guess.

I hate to admit it openly, but I like Starbucks espresso coffee drinks even though the prices might be called outrageous. On the other hand, there are the disappearing rain forests, and the poor under paid coffee farmers. So you see it is a guilty, ambiguous pleasure, and that creates a schizophrenic feeling as I enjoy my Starbucks brew. Somehow they have managed to develop a cult like clientele, and perhaps we need to be saved from their clutches by an intervention. Last night I had the scissors in position over my Starbucks card, but with coffee withdrawal taking hold and my hands shaking I just couldn't go through with it. One solution to save money and help the environment would be to buy organically grown coffees, and brew your own drinks at home, but somehow that's just not the same. Any coffee addiction treatment centers out there? Check out this page at The Aesthetic if you find yourself asking just
why do people hate Starbucks?

14 comments:

John said...

Now that I have been caffeine free for over 6 months I feel justified in my self-righteousness when I call you a "Speed Freak". I can now make fun of you just the way you do the patheic java junkie lady ahead of you in line. All who attend the daily worship services at Starbucks are only a slightly less committed version of the tweeker, meth-amphetamine addicted, speed freaks that are blanketing the country. Get a grip, slow down, stop and smell the coffee...uh, I mean the roses. Life is already goin' way too fast. Give that five bucks you'd be spending on espresso to a homeless guy so he can get a nice bottle of cheap wine instead.
...jes' kiddin'... enjoyed your Blog.

Beau said...

John, you must have the discipline of a monk to be caffeine free for six months. My co-workers would probably have me committed during the withdrawal phase for being an irritable zombie (until I chug a java).

Empress Maruja said...

the lady was just plain crazy, giving out the order as if she's the lady at the counter.

I mean I do drink coffee (but I prefer Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf), but I do all those crazy stuff by myself at the condiments section.

BTW, it's called a "barista"

Beau said...

Barista! Thank you empress_maruja for the proper term here.

Anonymous said...

i am SO glad i don't drink coffee (or serve it, for that matter). a situation like that would have had me cursing that lady back out into the street. ^_^

Beau said...

I hear you Mai. It's probably too late for me though, being a chronic coffee guzzler. I forgot to mention in my post that this lady had a daughter with her who ordered essentially the same drink!

scribeswindow said...

Ok, since the topic of coffee has been brought up, I feel compelled to comment. I drink one cup of coffee a day - midmorning. Therefore, my cup must be espresso and bloody good coffee! I have been known to annoy people, if I am out and about and therefore on a quest to find my perfect cup. In Australia I avoid starbucks like the plague. We have a large Italian community in Melbourne, so there is a great coffee culture as a consequence. Therefore, it is rare to find most Melbournians visiting starbucks instead of going to family owned cafes. Recently in LA I had to go to a starbucks. Thinking I would play it safe by ordering just espresso, I saw to my surprise that they had given me espresso with whipped cream on the top! As for caramel, decaf, low fat froth - or whatever it was, I don't consider that coffee!! Sacrilege to the brew!!

Beau said...

There really are a lot of different coffee concoctions out there, and some of them are really fancy milk brews with a little espresso thrown in. If we're talking about a power coffee drink here, I wonder what kind has the greatest amount of caffeine (a jolt java so to speak). I'd like to visit Melbourne, and check out the Italian community there as scribeswindow mentioned. My grandfather was Italian, but it wasn't until I married my lovely wife that the inner Italian started to emerge turning me into a pasta eating, espresso drinking, wild about Italy kind of guy.

Anonymous said...

The first Starbuck's in our county opened a couple of months ago. It turns out that the coffee is vile, but after 8:00 p.m., it's the only place in town with decent chairs.

I've been behind a couple of customers like the one you describe. After listening to the "grande, double espresso, decaf, low fat, caramel macchiato, with extra foam, brewed at 180 degrees centigrade, topped with a sprinkle of cinnamon, and a dollop of whipped cream" order, I usually say to the barista, "small coffee, please," making eye contact with the grande, double espresso... person.

Simplicity, simplicity...

Beau said...

The situation in Starbucks that day is a good example of how someone can say or do something that is legal, does no harm to anyone, is well within their rights as a customer, and yet annoy the heck out of many who might witness the behavior.

Anonymous said...

You've swerved into something I noticed a couple of days ago at Sam's Club. We were over there buying dog food and it hit me: Several hundred people, minding their own business, doing what they do, not bothering anybody, just going about their daily life. That kind of thing just drives a certain type of person nuts.

And that's why they hate Wal-Mart.

Happy motoring...

Unknown said...

I am coffeholic and have no starbucks in my town. Everytime I travel, I always will stop at one and then I am reminded why I am glad there is not one in my town. They suck! In my town, one local shop has about 30+ sugar free flavors, every starbucks I have ever visited has two. I have bought their beans and ground my own and it still sucks. Just about every other shop I have ever been to (here and abroad) has better coffee. I am not a starbucks basher, just my opinion of the flavor of their brand of coffee. Here is a little link I found about how to possible get some better tasting starbucks and save money too. Thanks for posting this, it was a fun read.
http://zorba.members.winisp.net/2006/01/starbucks-short-cappuccino.html

Anonymous said...

OK, So, I did not read all comments here, but I am damn sick of people and their Starbucks bashing.

First off, thank you to the people in the comments for getting the "barista" term corrected. These people do not cover their hands in steam burns and study drink recipes for nothing. Would you call a skilled bartender or waiter a "drink boy"?

Secondly, criticizing someone for how they like a drink is wrong. Starbucks provides menus to bring home that help you pick these options. Temperature, Amount of espresso, type of milk, flavor shots, ect. make more of a difference in the taste of the coffee than someone would think.

Thirdly, I do not see any difference in a corner starbucks than I do with the indy coffee shops that around. At all. Starbucks are franchises. Someone owns most of these locations, not one corporate entity. The people CHOOSE to pay to use that corporate identity when they open a store.

Starbucks themselves promotes free trade coffee, provides full benefits and competitive wages to all employees, is an equal opportunity employer, and an environmentally conscious company.

Lastly, also judging by a lot of your comments on here, not many of you know what real coffee is. Dunkin donuts, Tim Hortens, so called "sugar-free" coffee etc. that you all think starbucks should be more like is a lot farther from real coffee that what you have a problem with.

So with that said, I ask why does everyone hate starbucks so much? I will have to think more about it this morning when I get my quad venti low-whip no foam cinnamon dolce latte ;)

Generic Cialis said...

Well coffee its so important for many of us, that picking the right place to have one is sometimes exhausting.